We asked our readers to write an essay titled "My Day out with Shawn Mendes". Here is one of the entries. It has not been edited.
God-emperor Shawn is flying to the city of Hong Kangnada to celebrate his birthday and partake in the local culture. I have been selected to be his tour guide. This is the crowning achievement of my life. I head to the airport. He arrives on a moose, his trusty steed. He is guarded from any harm by a ferocious pack of polar bears. He makes his way to me. We exchange ‘Sorry’s’, the customary greeting.
I have been informed, that to commemorate this once-in-a-lifetime (times 80) event, citizens of Canada are required to speak only in Shawn Mendes puns, or face mild annoyance by being told ‘you just sound like an Am*rican (to speak of this former colony’s full name is the foulest crime).
I decide to take him to Wan Chainada to sample some of our world-famous bubble tea.
“This is my favorite bubble tea store. There’s a long line, but This Is What It Takes for a taste of Hong Kong’s best bubble tea. This store doesn’t have a Bad Reputation.” I say to Shawn.
“Two of your finest bubble teas please.”
The clerk starts making the bubble tea. Shawn starts getting fidgety as we wait.
“Sorry Shawn, it takes a bit of time to make, but it’s really worth it. Have some Patience.”
The clerk accidentally overflows the bubble tea cup. The clerk’s survival instincts kick in, and she says “That looks like A Little Too Much bubble tea.”.
The clerk apologises and serves us the drinks.
“Wow,”, Shawn says, “This is the best drink ever, Honest.”
“Best drink ever? Now those definitely weren’t Three Empty Words.”
We finish our drinks and I tour him around Hong Kangnada until it is time for Shawn to return.
Shawn thanks me. “This was great! Hong Kangnada is amazing, you’re an awesome tour guide! But I Don't Even Know Your Name!”
Unfortunately, he is sweeped into his plane by his polar bear army before I can reply. Rest assured, I am satisfied knowing god-emperor Shawn Mendes enjoyed his stay in Hong Kangnada.
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