Young Post's alternative Oscars

Chef. This is a funny, touching story of a dad's love for his son, but really, it's all about the food. It features so many glorious close-ups of both haute cuisine and street food being prepared, eaten and coveted … I defy you not to get up halfway to make a toastie.

Crystal the monkey from Night in the Museum. The film rocks, but the monkey rocks more. How do they get her to do all those cute expressions?

Groot from Guardians of the Galaxy is good. He's caring, fun, and loyal. But the award has to go to Toothless in How to Train Your Dragon 2. Hey, you try being adorable and ferocious at the same time, while being responsible for depicting values such as unfaltering friendship and standing up for yourself.

Over the past few years we've seen some strange adaptations of our favourite childhood board games and toys. 2014 had a few as well, with Ouija, and Transformers: Age of Extinction - the fourth instalment of the popular toy-based film franchise. But nothing comes close to the total awesomeness of The Lego Movie. Everything about it was awesome, from the catchy theme song to the slightly satirical story. It took the worst of commercialism and turned it into something fun!

Rosamund Pike hatches the most dastardly, twisted and plain messed-up plan to get revenge on her cheating husband in Gone Girl. It takes something pretty special to get the audience on the side of the cheating spouse, so you've got to hand it to Pike's character Amy for the sheer evil brilliance of it.

Kung Fu Jungle, of course. Donnie Yen goes head to head with Baoqiang Wang as container trucks rumble by, with ground-shaking, nerve-twitching, just-as-you-think-it-can't-get-any-worse-it-does thrills.

The hardcore fighting and sweat-coated muscles in Foxcatcher may be getting a lot of attention, but Taiwanese baseball film Kano is the clear winner. Stunningly shot in rural Taiwan, it is touching and gripping at the same time, and highlights the inequality experienced by the Taiwanese during the Japanese occupation of the island during the second world war just as powerfully as Selma.

Emma starred in three films last year - The Amazing Spider-Man 2 as Spiderman's girlfriend Gwen Stacy, Magic in the Moonlight as mystic Sophie Baker, and Birdman as Birdman's daughter Sam Thomson. Of the three, she's only a redhead when playing Sophie, so obviously Magic wins.

Not many people can pull off lilac hair; even fewer can pull off a grey hair band. Effie Trinket makes everything look fabulous though, and makes the best of a bad situation, which is why she must get a mention for her brilliant creativity in The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1.

Even though he isn't nominated for anything this year, Leonardo DiCaprio certainly has good reason to do this. Often regarded as one of the most talented actors in Hollywood, Leo has actually never won an Oscar even though he's been nominated five times. This must really bug him but he's probably too careful with his image to actually rush the stage and pronounce his greatness. So my money is on Joaquin Phoenix because he's so dang weird.

Remakes have been all the rage in Hollywood the last couple of years, so there were plenty of choices, from RoboCop to Hercules. But the "winner", if that's even the right term, is obviously Michael Bay's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. You have a senseless plot, poor acting from Will Arnett and Megan Fox, and just plain weird-looking turtles that seem anything other than heroic. Michael Bay, please leave our beloved toys alone.