Lights, camera, pffft! 8 things Hollywood movies need to stop doing

Lights, camera, pffft! 8 things Hollywood movies need to stop doing

From overly loud punches to useless 3D, the Young Post team lists the things it hates most about Hollywood movies

We at Young Post love going to the movies. We love watching them, reading production notes to learn more about how they were made, and talking (well, quite often arguing) about whether a plot was amazing or awful. We also all have some things that we hate to see happening on screen.

Here are the Young Post team’s pet movie peeves:

Maybe it’s animal magnetism?

Why does every animal have magic paws/hooves/claws etc? An animal can always pick something up like it’s glued to their limbs. Can’t filmmakers use a little imagination here? I’ve seen cartoons that put more thought into how a dog or a pony would use an object made for humans.

Wong Tsui-kai

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Phew! Just in time ... again

I hate that whenever they’re defusing a bomb, it always stops at seconds. What happens if they ever have to stop and tie their shoelaces on the way?

Lucy Christie

No one likes helmet head

I can’t deal with how the heroes NEVER wear helmets or protective headgear when they storm a building filled with bomb-making, gun-slinging terrorists – despite the accompanying crowd of body-armoured special forces going in with them. Because HEAVEN FORBID the lead actors’ hair gets mussed. Those locks are retirement fund money.

Karly Cox

They must be good at first-aid

Miraculous healing powers. Movies use whatever martial art is the most popular at the time, and hire choreographers to make sure the battle is as exciting as it is deadly. But after 15 minutes of exchanging roundhouses and uppercuts, the hero emerges – a little sweaty perhaps – but with not much more than a split lip leaking one drop of blood. And the next day? Totally fine. In real life a fight like that would leave both people looking like they had a face full of golf balls … not to mention that they’d probably both have brain damage from the inevitable concussions they suffered. If you’re going for realism, how about some bruising and swelling? And make it last a couple of weeks!

Sam Gusway

Swiss Army Man director Daniel Scheinert on Daniel Radcliffe's dead on performance

Cultural stereotypes ... and horses

Why is it every time there’s a cut shot to somewhere in Africa we have that happy singing and clapping. Just like every time a native American is about to appear you hear shamanic music of that eagle screech. Gah! Oh, and horses. I love horses, but every time you see a horse in a movie it has to neigh. But horses don’t go around neighing all the time. I guess the ones in Hollywood are just making sure they get a speaking part.

Susan Ramsay

Location, location, location

When the rubbish clap-trappy transport of choice breaks down in front of a creepy, worn down motel, and the gang thinks: “Oh hey! This is clearly where we should stay and call for help. Nothing bad will happen to us here!” No, of course not – if you don’t count being chased by some crazy monster that wants to chop you in half and eat your liver to maintain its crazy-long life span. Have these people never ever watched an episode of the X-Files or any of the Saw films? STAY AWAY FROM THE CREEPY, WORN DOWN CABIN.

Ginny Wong

Give it to me flat, thank you

3D movies. So many of them are unnecessary. It feels like they only make the movies 3D so they can charge you even more. I get that 3D brings you into the scene, so I understand why they do it with action movies (not really, gun fights bore me out and I always end up having a nap during a 10-minute long battle), but what about dramas? Do you really need the “fancy” visual to tell a good story? I don’t think so, especially when most 3D movies aren’t even filmed in 3D, they’re just converted during post-production.

Young Wang

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Rumble in my bum-ble

Massive, seat-shaking explosions and that rumbling bass noise that seems to be used to hype up the drama in every film nowadays – from a spaceship taking off, to an evil robot being revealed. Action films are always dangerously loud with excessive use of dynamite and fireworks. The bad guy punches someone into a wall? KA-SPLOOODE! A car flips over? KA-BOOOOOOOM! Avengers 2 was definitely the worst movie for this I’ve seen in a long time.

Lauren James

Leave my cartoons alone!

I’m getting tired of live action remakes. Cinderella: fine, I’ll watch anything with Cate Blanchett. But everything since then is a bit much. I get that it introduces a new generation of viewers to the classics, but c’mon, Disney: are you out of fresh ideas? And the recently announced “re-imagining” of The Lion King? I’m not sure I want to pay money for a movie that’s entirely CGI.

Heidi Yeung

This article appeared in the Young Post print edition as
Lights, camera, pffft!


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